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We probably did more this last weekend than we have since the beginning of lockdown. We re-arranged the furniture in 3 rooms, moved a piano from the garage to the house, and now we’re ready to paint the cabinet doors. These cabinet doors have been in-progress since July 2018, so I’ll be happy to finally have them done.

My family ordered both breakfast and dinner for me for Mother’s Day… and I even got to take a nap!

I would have liked to take my mom and mother-in-law out for a nice Mother’s Day brunch, but Coronavirus. So instead, we bought Door Dash gift cards for them. And my crazy ass mom deleted the text notification and blocked the number before I could call to make sure she received it. OMG, that woman!!

Now, where did I put that whiskey?!

Did a whole bunch of stuff around the house this weekend. The littlest little FINALLY cleaned up all her messes… but only after I threatened to come through with a trash bag and actually took one out.

A neighbor was giving away a piano, so it’s now in my garage, awaiting a permanent home in the house. Got the old fridge (now working like a champ, BTW) moved into the garage. Dad finished up a landscaping project, and I got the furniture in the loft rearranged.

The oldest little sat down at the piano and just started playing a song. I had no idea he even knew how to play. Apparently, he’s been learning on a piano app on his phone.

I asked the littlest little when she was going to put on some pants, and she responded (with the attitude only a little girl can muster) “not today.” Quarantine level: Expert.

Okay…. Let me set the scene for you:

Hubby and I had just returned from Costco. I purchased more to be frozen than was actually going to fit in the chest freezer in the garage, so it had to go in the smaller kitchen freezer. I open the freezer door to find water dripping from the ice bin.

-Insert expletives here-

Great. The freezer is not freezing. Better check the fridge. It’s cool, but nowhere near as cold as it should be. FANTASTIC.

Check the time. 2:30pm on Sunday. During quarantine. Okay, we probably have about 2.5 hours before everything closes. So we start speed shopping online, looking for a replacement.

In case you aren’t aware, many retailers will not sell you their floor model, and likely don’t have stock for in-store pickup same-day.

But!!! We found one. So we complete the order online and call to confirm. Hubby & Dad borrow the neighbor’s truck and head over to pick it up. Approximately 60-90 seconds before they arrive, the order is cancelled by a manager. It turns out, they only had two – the floor model, and a damaged unit. The only thing wrong with the damaged one was the piece connecting the handle to the door is broken. So the manager sold it to us for half price!

While hubby & Dad are on the way home with the new fridge, the old one starts working again. But now, we really can’t trust it, so I guess we have a beverage fridge in the garage now.

OMG, what a weekend! At least we bought more vodka at Costco….

I haven’t posted in a while, because, well, let’s face it. I’ve been a bit depressed. I want this to be a place to find humor, not a downer. So I’ll *try* to get back to that place. A few stories from the last couple of weeks…
The oldest little and I have been writing quarantine parodies. It’s actually been a lot of fun! So far, we’ve re-written:
– We are the Champions by Queen
– Freefalling by Tom Petty
– Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum
– Yesterday by The Beatles
– Clint Eastwood by The Gorillaz
The littlest little interrupts my workdays with a variety of things:
– “Mom, can I have ice cream for breakfast?” No. Absolutely not. (Even though I really did consider it just to shut her up)
– (In tears) “I spilled my milk on my picture.” Ok. What’s new? This is a daily occurrence…
– (Also in tears) “I don’t want to clean my room.” Again, what’s new? But I don’t want to see it like that anymore, so….
– “Mom. I just had a really, really, really, really big poop.” Ummmm, okay…
Hubby has been awesome. He’s really making an effort to help more, and I’m finally starting to feel like I can breathe again.
But… In case anyone is wondering, sanity cannot be found at the bottom of this particular bottle of vodka. Time to check the whiskey.

I had to run to the grocery store last night. I’ve never seen so many people wearing gloves and masks. It was kind of surreal.
We had to break the new to the Littles that our home is pretty much their entire world for the next few months. The littlest is really upset that she probably won’t be returning to daycare again. But she IS excited that the next time she has a real schedule that involves leaving the house, she will be starting kindergarten.
Now where did I put that whiskey???

We are officially two full weeks into lock down. So far, my family has not driven me to homicide. I’ve been baking with the littlest on the weekends. Last weekend it was “Cimmanim Rolls”, this weekend was Banana Bread. She “helps”. Meaning she dumps the pre-measured ingredients into a bowl and stirs for about 15 seconds.
She taught herself to use the Facebook portal during our baking session yesterday. She randomly selects people on the contact list to video chat with. She got calls in with my mom and three of her aunties. While I made banana bread.
She also made a point of mentioning that when she grows up, she is going to stop at one kid and two cats. (Me too, kid. Me too.) Then she says she wants a son, so if she has a daughter, she’ll just give her to some lady. (OMG, speaking my language, kid.)

But on a serious note…
As I wrote this, I received word that over 200 employees were furloughed from my employer today. I don’t even know what to do with that information. My heart hurts for them. I know that the world as we know it has changed drastically. I hope that we can come back from this stronger than ever. But I fear that it is only going to get worse before it gets better. And it will leave deep scars on our hearts.

STAY THE FUCK AT HOME.

I know I’ve been MIA this week. It’s been a difficult few days. Tuesday was the first anniversary of my best friend’s death. I still don’t really know how to process it.
She would’ve told me to fake it till I make it. So that’s what I guess I have to do now.
The littles are being fairly good – I think they know mommy’s having a rough time. Got my older one registered for High School. Already. It seems like just yesterday that we were bringing him home from the hospital. I find it difficult to reconcile this 13 year old with my little boy. I’m just glad he still finds fun in being silly with his momma. Yesterday, he ran into my home office, saying the toilet was smoking. “What?!?” “The toilet is smoking, mom, you have to hurry!” So I run into the bathroom to find this:
http://suicidalguppy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Smoking-Toilet.jpg
OMG. I’ve created a monster.

To be honest, I’ve found it very difficult to write over the last few days. Exile is starting to take it’s toll on me. I really don’t mind being mostly confined to my home – I’m probably 90% hermit anyway. What is difficult, is that I’ve found myself working full-time from home, still doing all the normal “mom” stuff (cooking, cleaning, laundry, kids’ baths, etc), and now I have to basically play at “teaching” both preschool and 8th grade on top of it all. I spend close to an hour each day just preparing enough activities to keep the littles occupied for PART of my work day. In all seriousness, I’m ready to just throw in the towel on all of it.
Most people are practicing social distancing, while I am actively looking for someone who has tested positive so I can lick their face.
Hopefully, I can find my sense of humor again by tomorrow.

So… my oldest little locked me out of the house today. Purely accidental (lucky for him), but still. Lucky for me, there’s an app for that.
Week one of working from home with a full house. This definitely hasn’t been ideal, but we all do what we have to, right?
Everything in the country is shutting down, from restaurants to bars to coffee shops to movie theaters. And beyond the madness of being unable to find any TP, or go out to dinner, the only real change for me is that the littles are here to bug me while I work.
Our office is doing a virtual happy hour this afternoon, and I’m a little frustrated that someone drank all the ginger beer. Luckily, my dad sees an opportunity for brownie points, and is off in search of supplies for my Mules right now. Hopefully the crazies haven’t gotten to the soda aisle yet. Fortunately, if they have, I DID stock up on whiskey…
Anyway, I think this weekend I’ll find an infected person and lick their face. Maybe then I can escape my family for a bit.